Doris and Joe

When I first met my husband Joe, aged 16, I could never have imagined that we would end up married for 52 years with three wonderful children and two grandsons, who are the centre of our world. Nor could I have imagined that our life together would see us live through a pandemic. However, the one thing I was unprepared for the most was watching my husband change in front of my eyes and eventually be diagnosed with dementia. I want to share our story in the hope that it encourages you to support a charity who have been a lifeline to us over the last year.

I met Joe when I worked in his father’s ice-cream shop and he used to pop by regularly. We got together when I was 16 and have been together ever since. When people ask me our secret I always say ‘laughter.’ We have had a great life together and I feel very fortunate to have him. That’s why it was so hard when I started noticing little changes in Joe’s behaviour a few years ago. It started with his memory declining and then a real change in his personality – he didn’t want to do anything or go anywhere which was really unlike him.

It took quite a while for Joe to receive a diagnosis; nearly two years. We felt like we were getting nowhere, all the while Joe’s symptoms were progressing. Which is why it almost felt like a relief when he was told he had Alzheimer’s Disease last January. Whilst it felt inevitable, the official diagnosis helped us focus on the future and access the support we needed so very much.

Our first lifeline came through our Link Worker, Nikki, who we were introduced to for post-diagnostic support, just as the pandemic hit. We were actually due to go to our first Alzheimer Scotland group just two days after the first lockdown started. I do feel sad that we couldn’t attend sessions in person, but Joe and I have made the most of the wide range of online support groups on offer, including Football Memoires, Music Memories, quizzes and an art class.

Joe was really into art when he was younger and painted often so watching him get involved in the class feels like the old Joe has come back to me. I help set up the paints and he does the actual painting – he’s definitely more artistic than me! The groups have helped keep our family connected too, as we sent one of Joe’s paintings to our daughter in Cardiff. She proudly displayed it on her wall, which made me quite emotional.

I do not know what lockdown would have been like if it hadn’t been for Alzheimer Scotland and I can’t imagine our life without their support. Cara, Rosemary and all the team, including the volunteers, are wonderful and we are so looking forward to meeting them in person. The groups have also introduced us to so many new friends, and given us the chance to reconnect with some old acquaintances who are going through the same thing.

Dementia can be such a lonely illness, both for the person who has it and for their carers. I definitely have moments where I feel overwhelmed. However, what Alzheimer Scotland offers me is the feeling of not being on my own. Whether it’s the staff, volunteers or peer support, I always feel like I have someone to talk to and that’s so important in looking after my own wellbeing, which in turn makes sure I can be the very best wife, and carer, to Joe.

Your donation matters. It would mean everything to us both if you were able to support Alzheimer Scotland. Your regular donation will go towards helping families like ours; normal families whose lives have been turned upside down by dementia and who would be struggling to cope if it wasn’t for Alzheimer Scotland.

Thank you for reading our story,

Doris Boag